relationship woes

Anything and everything goes here... post away!

Moderators: EatMoreLead, Nad, Suck.

User avatar
Miracl3
Senior Member
Posts: 596
Joined: Mar 25th, 2006 at 8:51 am

relationship woes

Postby Miracl3 » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 7:22 am

sup guys...miracl3 again...i know none of u might not be able to help me...but i seem to be having a problem wit my ole lady ..... she thinks i dont spend no time wit her and the net is all i love...rofl Heres the thing.... WE WORK TOGETHER but we dont spend no time together....when i tell her that i see her all day n we work together she just gets pissed n says...that dont mean shit blah blah blah.... i really wanna go to the lan but the only way is to ditch her lol....only bad thing about that is my son and i dont want him growing up in a broken home like i did.....sorry to bother u guys....serious dr phil replies only rofl
Image
Image

User avatar
Campsalot
Senior Member
Posts: 911
Joined: Jul 20th, 2003 at 7:17 pm

Postby Campsalot » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 7:31 am

This is a no-brainer. Spend more time with her. Do it because you WANT to spend time with her and WANT your relationship to grow, not because you want to go to the lan. If she has a serious problem with you going, talk to her about it and get to the root of the issue. See if there is a compromise you can reach by getting to go to the lan. If she still doesn't want you to go, even if the reason is not legitimate, I wouldn't go if I was you. No lan is worth your relationship with your wife. Build the relationship first and things like this will be less of an issue in the future.

User avatar
Miracl3
Senior Member
Posts: 596
Joined: Mar 25th, 2006 at 8:51 am

ur right camps

Postby Miracl3 » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 8:06 am

but also man i do spend time wit her.....its likes its never enough....i take her out to eat every friday....a dozen roses every 10th of each month (day we met) and all kinda shit....its never enough man...im growing tired of busting my ass to make everything work...she wants me to quit drinkin n smoking...she says im an alcoholic becuz i have 1-2 beers a day
Image

Image

User avatar
Miracl3
Senior Member
Posts: 596
Joined: Mar 25th, 2006 at 8:51 am

btw

Postby Miracl3 » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 8:09 am

mroe info on it.....im 21 shes 20...we're not married.....have a 2yr old......when we 1st got together...everything was alright... 50/50 now its 75/25 (me 75) ...part of the reason is becuz while she was pregnant i ran into a lil bit of money n i babied her with it....like material wise n emotional..now that i dont have the money to spend like she wants....its not like it used to be even tho i still give her the emotional attention....and im not that dumb to go to the lan w/o her permission rofl...all my shit would be on the damn sidewalk
Image

Image

User avatar
EatMoreLead
Benefactor
Posts: 4406
Joined: Sep 17th, 2002 at 11:59 pm

Postby EatMoreLead » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 10:06 am

Here is deal - relationships (and marriage) are HARD. They are a ton of work. You begin to sweat the small stuff and lose your focus. BUT, relationships with spouses and kids, despite their hard work, are the most rewarding part of being human. You should not be concerned that you feel you are doing 75% - I'll bet your lady feels same way. When you are 19/20 and "in love" you are actually "in lust" and infatuated with each other. That "new love" feeling wears off, and many immature people then split. But if you work through your issues, focus on what is important, and work on making yourself the best spouse/daddy, you will find things will be better fast. Instead of being dragged down into a death spiral, snap out of it, treat your lady like you love her to death, like she is the most precious thing in the world and then keep it up for a month. TRUST ME, if you make a permenant change of attitude for 4 weeks, you will look back and say, wtf happened, my lady is treating me better, and we are getting along again. By the way, dinner every Friday and flowers once a month seem nice, but women want a stable man who is randomly and wildly romantic. If Friday is the night you always get childcare that rocks, but don't go to same 3-4 restaurants every time. Get a babysitter who can spend the night and surprise your lady by booking an inexpensive hotel in your hometown via hotwire or expedia. If $$ is an issue, pack a picnic dinner to eat in the hotel room. Run her a bubble bath, play romantic music on the CD player, bring and light a bunch of candles (they sell votives 12/box for cheap). Giver her a full body massage - and keep it non-sexual. Chances are you will drive her wild and get your brains screwed out, but if not, just let her drift off to sleep, have some patience. Women are weird creatures, and much like a high performance sports car, you get best results when you baby them. As for flowers, I'd give her some on ANY DAY other than the 10th just to keep her on her toes. Then give her a poem or a card on the 10th instead. Mix it up bro. Oh and, don't refer to her as your "Old lady" - trust me only crack addict strippers think that is cute.

You hit the nail on the head about wanting a stable mom-dad relationship for your kid. Having a mommy and daddy who love each other is the key to successful children. It doesn't always work out, but 95% of divorces are just two selfish people who have given up on each other.

Now, if focusing on your priorities and treating your lady like she is royalty doesn't seem to be working, then before you get distressed, you need some 3rd party help, and that means a marriage counselor. You can pay $75-150 an hour for a professional psychologist, or you can get free help at most churches, even if you are not a member.

This advice is all given from a guy who is married now 10+ years. Most of the time has been bliss, but there have been plenty of bad times, times when I felt like leaving. We've yelled, screamed, cried, sulked. In the end, you have to put your love for each other and the marriage first. Don't take each other for granted. One final piece of advice, and this may be too early to give it, but since you are in a receptive mood: get your poop straightened out and then get married. The institution of marriage is sacred in our society because it shows the world and each other your commitment. Sure marriages fail 50% of the time, but your son deserves a mom and dad who love each other wildly, love him, and are married. That is best gift you can give him.
EatMoreLead aka EML


User avatar
rekloose-[PUPPY]
Elite Member
Posts: 4182
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 11:38 pm

Postby rekloose-[PUPPY] » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 10:43 am

EatMoreLead wrote:pack a picnic dinner to eat in the hotel room. Run her a bubble bath, play romantic music on the CD player, bring and light a bunch of candles (they sell votives 12/box for cheap). Giver her a full body massage


So I take it your wife told you about our little weekends when you're away on business trips, eh? :twisted:

User avatar
Shade
Elite Member
Posts: 1342
Joined: Dec 1st, 2004 at 12:03 pm

Postby Shade » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 10:51 am

miracle does she have many of her own friends? Womanz can get attached man, thats why you may feel like she thinks the time you spend with her is never enough. Encourage her to go out w/her friends and shit and she'll have no problem when you want to go out with yours.

Or

You could always tie her up like in the movie SPUN.
ClanKiller | Shade

User avatar
K2
Administrator
Posts: 7114
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 6:33 am

Postby K2 » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 11:23 am

EML - he's not married.

User avatar
Deleted User
*poof*
Posts: 7507
Joined: Jul 13th, 2006 at 3:41 am

Postby Deleted User » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 11:32 am

K2 wrote:EML - he's not married.


EatMoreLead wrote:One final piece of advice, and this may be too early to give it, but since you are in a receptive mood: get your poop straightened out and then get married


*cough*
I've been deleted!!

User avatar
K2
Administrator
Posts: 7114
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 6:33 am

Postby K2 » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 12:11 pm

Yeah yeah... but he gave this whole big speel like he WAS married ;)

User avatar
Nad
Moderator
Posts: 2481
Joined: Sep 15th, 2002 at 8:15 am

Postby Nad » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 12:19 pm

EML's advice is all good stuff.

If you love her, than do whatever it takes to make her happy, and yes, get married. Work your shit out, talk to her, and even if it sounds like she is just bitching, do what she wants.

I have the same problems with my wife about the net and gaming. Find a happy medium and roll with it. I used to play 5-10 hours a day depending on my work schedule, now i play 2-3, and thats after she is asleep at night and we are both cool with it.

One more thing, working with her is not only a bad idea just because of the feelings you have about spending time together, it also does not count as "spending time together." Playing that card will only make matters worse. Write that off, and start fresh when you get home, then spend quality time together.

I know its hard when you have a youngin, i have a 1yr old and a newborn in route anytime now. Make time for eachother, rent some movies, cuddle on the couch. Women love that shit, and even if you would rather do something else most of the time, striking up a good conversation or watching a good movie will make you forget about it.

And like EML said, whether you are christian or not, if you think there is nothing more you can do, drop by a local church and ask for help. It will be free, and that is a damn good place to start meeting people. You want her to go out with her girlfriends more, but when she starts bar hopping and shit you wont be happy. Get her in with some solid friends that you can count on to keep her positive, find some there yourself, and you will both be better off.
Hardfought Forum/Game Server Admin and all around board troll
Image

User avatar
rekloose-[PUPPY]
Elite Member
Posts: 4182
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 11:38 pm

Postby rekloose-[PUPPY] » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 12:50 pm

what i would do is establish some personal "you" time. Basically drug her and put her in the closet while you play games.

User avatar
Deleted User
*poof*
Posts: 7507
Joined: Jul 13th, 2006 at 3:41 am

Postby Deleted User » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 1:40 pm

Follow EML's advice, because I personally think you've already fucked up, and since you have a kid, it's too late to turn back. :twisted:
I've been deleted!!

User avatar
Jeng
Elite Member
Posts: 1360
Joined: Nov 16th, 2005 at 6:16 pm

Postby Jeng » Apr 3rd, 2006 at 5:34 pm

Benedict wrote:Follow EML's advice, because I personally think you've already fucked up, and since you have a kid, it's too late to turn back. :twisted:


+1
I really need to change this sig

User avatar
EatMoreLead
Benefactor
Posts: 4406
Joined: Sep 17th, 2002 at 11:59 pm

Postby EatMoreLead » Apr 4th, 2006 at 12:43 am

K2 you are so damn relationship-clueless, luckily Jenn seems 100x wiser than you in life matters.
EatMoreLead aka EML

User avatar
Miracl3
Senior Member
Posts: 596
Joined: Mar 25th, 2006 at 8:51 am

ya EML's shit is good shit

Postby Miracl3 » Apr 4th, 2006 at 12:56 am

even tho we're not married i see where hes coming from....its been 5 longs yrs for me n her...dont wanna wreck nothing but damn its hard to do anything right by her standards.....i try....but i do do wrong... such as.... telling her im goin to store to get something and goin off n getting drunk n coming back home...thats my fault but thats only on weekends....weekdays im a family man...actually weekends too but i like to drink a couple beer on weekend nights ....but 1 -2 beers a day on weekends is becoming an alcoholic...i appreciate every1 of u guys....u guys might not know my name but believe me.... im grate for every1 in the hf commmunity....to pyrox...k2...shade...pred...and others im forgetting to include...btw congrats again widow.....and banshee u nub u havent even spoke to me :( prob dont remember me....but anyways....u guys i appreciate the help and i have an uncle who is a preacher...i knew that most churches give free marriage couseling....but i dun wanna ask my uncle for help u know? thx guys
Image

Image

User avatar
Miracl3
Senior Member
Posts: 596
Joined: Mar 25th, 2006 at 8:51 am

btw nad

Postby Miracl3 » Apr 4th, 2006 at 1:00 am

bar hopping would be nice... i have all trust in her.....shes a darling about that kinda shit....she knows i wont put up wit cheating....bar hopping once a week would be nice....but she does leave me almost every saturday n sunday by myself to play games while shes at her momes...so i guess i got it made....just need to realize it....its just hard man....she takes it like it puppy (hush rekloose) dog love....like being a constant horndog....i understand ya know... 2-3 times a day is Grrrrrrrrrrrreat but im wore out afta that rofl....basically...when im trying to cuddle shes trying to fondle and it dont click u know?
Image

Image

User avatar
rekloose-[PUPPY]
Elite Member
Posts: 4182
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 11:38 pm

Postby rekloose-[PUPPY] » Apr 4th, 2006 at 1:40 am

single periods.

learn it.
live it.
love it.

i'm sure if you move away from ellipses all your relationship woes will be over. or, at the very least, your posts will be more readable.

...

User avatar
WidowMaker
Benefactor
Posts: 2237
Joined: Sep 15th, 2002 at 7:49 pm

Postby WidowMaker » Apr 4th, 2006 at 1:59 am

suggesting for your significant other to go out on the town with a bunch of single friends is a recipe for disaster IMO. She may be a great girl who has no intentions of straying, but she is still human, and if put in a potentially tempting situation repeatedly, there may be an incident where she slips. It only takes one mistake to ruin everything.

Work time does not count as time together, sorry bud. Sounds like you already have a "date night" which is good. If you are into games, sit down and talk to her, and come to an agreement about when you can play and when you need to spend time together. I noticed myself gaming too much for a while and not giving my wife the attention she deserves, so we sat down and talked about it, and compromised with 2-3 nights a week being time I can play games, the other nights I need to spend some quality time with her. Of course, once she goes to sleep, I can game all I want.

My advice, sit h er down, and get her to talk and let you know what is bothering her - everything that is bothering her. Don't say anything, just sit there and listen. I know it will be hard not to want to chime in and argue about some things, but bite your tongue, listen to everything she has to say, then calmly address each issue and discusss how you can improve things. At the same time, don't kiss her ass. If she is being overly ridiculous about some things, then explain to her why you think she is asking too much, and suggest a compromise.

It's all about give and take. If one side is doing al the taking and not enough giving, it will never work.


-Wid
- The AWP god formerly known as 'WidowMaker' [Retired]
-------------------------------------------------------------------
-Game Designer
-Retro Studios - www.retrostudios.com
-If the next Metroid sucks, you will know who to blame.

User avatar
K2
Administrator
Posts: 7114
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 6:33 am

Postby K2 » Apr 4th, 2006 at 2:25 am

EatMoreLead wrote:K2 you are so damn relationship-clueless, luckily Jenn seems 100x wiser than you in life matters.


Negative my friend. I'm as wise as they get... it's why I'm not divorced with 3 kids from two different wives by now. I wont settle for second-best.

And for the record, jenn is the best thing to happen to me in so long I cant remember.

Except of course for those oh-so-brief-but-magical 10 minutes me and puppy shared at HF LAN #2 (purr) :shock:

Miracle... most of the advice given here is sound. Compromise and communication is key. I know you have a kid to consider, but staying together with your gf is no good for the kid or yourself if all you two wind up doing is yelling and arguing and being miserable all the time. If you can fix things and live happily together, hey great. If you cant, cut your losses (with the kids best interests in mind of course) and move on.

User avatar
rekloose-[PUPPY]
Elite Member
Posts: 4182
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 11:38 pm

Postby rekloose-[PUPPY] » Apr 4th, 2006 at 2:42 am

K2 wrote:And for the record, jenn is the best thing to happen to me in so long I cant remember.


we should have a "And for the record, __________ is the best thing to happen to me in so long I cant remember." form so k2 doesn't have to keep on writing all that text every time the name changes.

:twisted: :D :shock:

User avatar
K2
Administrator
Posts: 7114
Joined: Sep 14th, 2002 at 6:33 am

Postby K2 » Apr 4th, 2006 at 3:09 am

Lies!

User avatar
Jennthrotull
K2's better half
Posts: 135
Joined: Jan 25th, 2006 at 12:43 am

Postby Jennthrotull » Apr 4th, 2006 at 3:39 am

My 2 cents - and please consider it carefully before running away screaming. Offer to go with her this weekend to her mom's place. Do not commit to doing this every weekend - just occasionally. Her biggest complaint is that you do not spend enough time with her. By staying home all weekend while she and your kid go to her mom's, you are perpetuating this feeling. During the week you both work, and then are tired when you get home. The weekend is the time to relax and spend time with your family. Think about how much time with your kid you are missing out on by staying home. Bottom line - she is pissed you do not go with them.
Oh - and if you really want to earn some points bring her mom flowers.

User avatar
Deleted User
*poof*
Posts: 7507
Joined: Jul 13th, 2006 at 3:41 am

Re: ya EML's shit is good shit

Postby Deleted User » Apr 4th, 2006 at 5:05 am

Miracl3 wrote:and banshee u nub u havent even spoke to me :( prob dont remember me...


lies, i just didn't read it yet :P that and i'm no good at relationship advice, just pwning cts on militia and taking their famas :twisted:
I've been deleted!!


Return to “General Discussion”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests